Friday, July 2, 2010

The Declaration of Independence in the Twitter era.

Or, how partisans view America's greatest document....

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
Translations:

@Republican: Proof that our founders created America on Judeo-Christian principles.

@Democratic: Just a bunch of old White guys who didn't want to pay taxes.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
Translations:

@Republican: More proof of the creation of America on Judeo-Christian principles.

@Democratic: Obviously, the founders didn't intend to free the blacks, so they're evil. By extension so is America.
That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
Translations:

@Republican: Rick Perry for Governor!!!!!!

@Democratic: I'm sorry what was that? I tuned out there when the coyote got shot.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Translations:

@Republican: Obama's a tyrant!!!!!

@Democratic: Bush was a tyrant!!!!!
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.


@Republicans: July 4th is a day to honor the Patriots of old. Let us Pray.

@Democrats: Really, the founding fathers were the Al-Quaeda of their day.

@Obama: I'm here to announce a blue-ribbon commission to study the issue of freedom.

@CongressionalRepublicans: We're agin' it.

@TexasRepublicans: Rick Perry for Governor!!!!!

@TexasDemocrats: Texans suck. Please vote for us.

@BillWhite: I'm working on a 20 page policy paper to explain my stance on July 4th, it will be out next week.

@RickPerry: I'd walk right up to that King and slap the crown off his head.

@BlogHouston: It could have been pithier.

@OfftheKuff: I don't have an opinion so I'll just say: "What Bill White said."

@ChronBlog: Hold on, the AP wire story is coming across now.

@theAppleDumplingGang: We'll get two it once we have a chance to re-write the New York Times editorial on it.

@HoustonPress: My Declaration of Independence is none of your business!!!! (Now let me tell you all about it.)




@blogawful: Happy 4th of July, now pass me a beer.

3 comments:

  1. I clearly should start using Twitters more often.

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol - here, I'm passin' one...

    http://www.passmeabeer.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. "...they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

    @etee: I CAN HAZ iPHONE!!!

    (Happy 4th.)

    ~EdT.

    ReplyDelete

Comment Policy:Any comment containing profanity or presonal attacks will be disallowed. Repeated violations will get you marked as SPAM. Real name is preferred, fake names will be carefully considered before being allowed. If your on-line moniker is so widely known as to be a clear identifier, that's OK too. If your comment doesn't appear, give it some time. I do have a day job.

Sports Section