Friday, January 14, 2011

82nd Lege Reference Guide (Part II)

Note: This will maybe, possibly be in something close to alphabetical order, but if it's that you want go buy a Webster's.

Dallas: The reason humanity invented the word "overrated". Living on the fumes of a TV show that aired over 20 years ago the closest Dallas comes to its former glory is when Jerry Jones is on TV. Oh, and they have a better rail system than Houston. Terrible Bar-B-Q though.

David Dewhurst: The king of starched shirts and the first player out of the tunnel in the race for Kay Bailey's Senate seat.

Dan Patrick, Sen: Master of political rhetoric and zero action. KDAN is all about keeping issues around but doing little to actually get things done. Appraisal caps? (his first signature issue) Now that the political climate is right for them he's abandoned the issue and decided to focus on sonograms for women considering an abortion. His ultimate goal is Statewide office. When you filter his rhetoric through that filter it all makes perfect sense.

Democrats, Texas: The political equivalent of a two year old throwing a tantrum in the corner. It's not that Texas Democrats are bad, it's that they're HISTORICALLY bad. Despite their ideas being out of step with a majority of Texans they're incapable of self-examination. When your one hope is: "Well, eventually the White folks who live outside of the cities will die" you're looking down the long, dark tunnel of political irrelevance.

Democratic Caucus: Harder to find than Waldo.

Department of Transportation, Texas: The Money Pit. Except without Tom Hanks keeping things light.

Ears: God gave us two of them and one mouth. This would suggest that listening is more important than talking but, in the political world, it just means that God wanted everyone else to hear what Dan Patrick is saying.

Easter: When all else fails, the Lege will hope the Bunny leaves them a basket full of cash to close the budget hole.

Easement: Legalized, institutionalized, theft.

Economy: The truth is, no one really knows what's going to happen in the future as far as the economy goes, but budget writers declare the next two years as fact regardless.

Environment: God of the Ecomentals, high legislative priority for what remains of the Democratic Party. The problem with unchecked environmentalism, of course, is that the greens consider humanity to be the real enemy. The only way to "save" the environment is to shut down the economy, throwing everyone into severe poverty and ushering in a new dark ages. Birth is also an issue, meaning humans being born. ANY humans being born. Instead we're promised such silliness as a "green economy" and a "bridge to the future".

Facebook: Another place for politicians to ignore feedback from their constituents.

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