Thursday, July 14, 2011

About those East Downtown Homeless.

They're a problem. Falling asleep on sidewalks, peeing in entryways, generally mucking things up in Houston's (soon to be) hip, hot district where the walking of the dogs (running of the bulls being deemed too dangerous) occurs annually and where a bevvy of new sidewalk cafes are sure to appear....soon...we promise, because so much popped up around Minute Maid Park...um...Toyota Center....OK never mind.

The point is Houston needs to figure out what to do with these people, especially now that more and more young, urban Caucasians make plans to relocate to the bevvy of European-style lofts and multi-use developments that popped up around Minute Maid....ah forget it.

The early idea for this is to extend Houston's civility ordinance to include East Downtown thus barring the homeless from breathing their rarefied air. I'd be OK with this, IF they'd consider dropping the incredibly stupid EaDo moniker. If they did however the folks over at Culture Map would explode. Since it's a civic imperative that their terrible journalism standards be contained in a relatively harmless vehicle, that will never happen.

Fortunately Houston, I have a plan.


Round these homeless up, put them in temporary shanties, and then put them all to work building Dynamo Stadium.

Think about it, it's a win/win. East Downtown rids them selves of those considered undesirable (but, it should be noted, should be protected -in other people's neighborhoods- at all cost) while the Dynamo can truthfully say their new playground is a stadium of and by the people. The homeless? They get steady work with three squares per day and possibly a renewed sense of civic pride in contributing so much to a Stadium from which they'll be barred from begging in front of.

Of course, you have to do something with them when construction is completed, but by then the new Grand Parkway will be open and you can relocate them to empty overpasses with plenty of room. Maybe throw in a blanket and shopping cart for each of them.


The alternative is Soylent Green people.

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