Monday, March 18, 2013

The New (Revised) Houston Political Dictionary (v 2.4.3)


Dallas - The main driver, according to ChronBlog, of Houston's inferiority complex.

Dan Patrick, State Senator - The triumph of style over substance.
It could be argued that the only reason Sen. Patrick is currently sitting in a dingy office in Austin currently is because, for years, he built a constituency through a talk show of marginal quality.  This gave him a built-in voter base who were willing to overlook the fact that he hasn't fulfilled any of his campaign promises since being in office.  Property tax hasn't been fixed, the margins tax is still out there, and the "people aren't being given a voice" as Patrick promised because he's fallen victim to the "good old boy" expert mentality that has been a part of Austin for years.

Deal-Breaker - A lie used to prevent anything of importance in politics from actually getting done. Can always be found in any issue.

Democrats, Houston - Unimportant entity that has ridden on the backs of the success of candidates and officeholders who understand how local politics work.

Democrats, Texas - Only mostly dead.

Demographics - Political astrology.

Destiny - A fiction in contemporary politics.

Long in the political wilderness in Texas, the State Democratic party has been looking toward the demographic watershed for years as their only hope of salvation.  The problem with this line of thinking is that, with a couple of notable exceptions, Demographic voting patterns can (and usually do) change over time.  Still the Democrats march on, choosing to rely on mildly homophobic vulgarities to describe their political opposites while ignoring the fact that these arguments are not resonating with the public.  Of course, Texas Republicans are fine with this because, when the minority party refuses to take policy seriously, they are allowed carte blanche to make whatever decisions they see fit.  The second problem the Democrats have is that no-one, of any political seriousness, views their current slate of state-wide candidates as anything other than a mildly amusing side-show.

Discovery Green - Central Houston's potty station for the dogs of the tragically hip and urban.

Divine Reserve - The triumph of marketing over quality.

D.N.A. (Cultural) - Irrefutable proof that Houston is a test-tube baby.

D.N.A. (Personal) - Irrefutable proof that you are (or are not) the baby daddy.

Dollar - Political construct designed to place a value on the designs of the bureaucracy.
The concept of a currency only makes sense if there is something of value backing it.  In America we've long sense gone past the point of a true valuation so that now, when speaking in political terms, the dollar can "be" whatever the hosts want it to be.  This has turned out to be especially beneficial to media who no longer have to spend time running down claims of damage estimate, claims of fiscal impact by a party regarding an opposing party's policies, economic impact claims and athlete contracts.

Donut - A sure sign, when it's served at political functions, your City/State/Political party is in a financial mess.

Downtown, Houston - A booming residential/retail/dining district free from all of the problems actual residents/shoppers/diners would provide.

Drainage - Usually a problem in a swamp.

Drought - Recently discovered natural phenomenon that has the ecomentalists in a tizzy.
Never mind that there have been droughts in Texas for tens of thousands of years, of that much of the vegetation on the Comancheria has evolved to thrive in low-precipitation environments, the recent discovery, by climate scientists and faith-based, climate-change friendly science writers, of the drought in Texas is proof positive that the Earth is rapidly heating up in Satan's EZ-Bake.

Dynamo - The European and Mexican soccer leagues' farm system in South East Texas.

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